Oh Dee
Panoply: noun;
a full suit of armor; a complete defense or covering.
I went on a deer hunt.
-You went on a deer hunt?
I went on a deer hunt. To shoot one I could mount. (On the wall.)
-You went on a deer hunt to shoot one you could mount? And eat?
And eat.
I got my gun.
-You got your gun?
I got my permit.
-You got your permit?
I got my guyde. (Guide, Guy. Get it?)
-Got your guyde? (Got it.)
I'm not afraid.
-You're not afraid?
What's that? A flat tire? No wrench to change the flat tire? No pump to pump up the flat tire? We're 45 miles in on a dirt road that hasn't been used since 1982? There's bear sign right over there, and you locked the keys in the truck? Aaaaaa!
Actually, the real story isn't far off that mark.
We left our kids with some friends, who by the way are amazing for taking them (THANK YOU!), and left shortly before 6 am. Yes, world wide web, it was still dark. Now, as I was preparing for this deer hunt, only one thing was on my mind. I wanted, no, needed to look good because I was going to shoot a trophy deer. A trophy black tailed deer. Before Michael. And I knew that sometime during this hunt, my picture would be taken. And if my buck was bigger than I was imagining him to be, then my photo would be on the cover of every hunting magazine in the free world. Now, I know I've mentioned my friendship with make-up before, as well as how Michael prefers my non made-up face. So I compromised with him (all in my head, mind you). I decided I would only wear face powder and lip gloss. You know, so my lips would shine and my face would not.
We got to our hunting spot, got out and discovered a flat tire. No biggie. We've got the star wrench and a spare in the back. We'll take care of it when we get back to the truck.
If you've ever hunted before, you know that silence is of the essence. So I quietly shut the truck door, and quietly I followed Michael up the dirt road. And as quietly as a dinosaur tromping on a sheet of bubble wrap, we descended into the reprod. (Trees that are replanted after an area has been logged.) It's amazing, really, that we weren't discovered. We sat, Michael glassed the area, and we waited. And waited. And waited! Finally, he told me he saw some bucks over yonder. So we hiked over yonder and set up so that I could see them bad boys. They were only 3 teenagers out having a good time before curfew was up. It was nearing 9 am by this time, and Michael, having hunted many times before, asked me if I wanted to take any of them. Remember now, I was going for a record breaking buckaroo. None of these boys fit the bill. I was in search of a man. I'm sure my own man was screaming in his head, "TAKE THE SHOT, WOMAN. TAKE IT. TAKE IT!" When I realized that I probably wouldn't have another chance to come out here with Michael alone, my small window of opportunity was closing. I whispered to him to hand me the rifle. He did and I set up for the kill. I got the boys in my scope, picked out the lucky buck who would accompany us home that day, and waited for him to give me an opportunity to take him down. By now, 45 seconds had passed and I still hadn't gotten a clean shot. All I could see was his head, and I didn't want to destroy my trophy, so I waited some more.
I won't bore you with any more details other than this: I never shot the gun. That little guy had no idea how close he came to meeting our family over dinner. I never could get a clean shot, and didn't want to risk taking a messy one, so I let him go. I watched him walk off into the trees. The darkness where he would bed for the day. It was, nevertheless, a successful day.
We had a coyote walk within 50 yards of us, we found an antler, we got into a staring match for 20 minutes or more with a doe and her two fawns. We saw a great horned owl, and lots of fresh bear poo poo. But best of all, I got to spend time with my man, doing something that he absolutely loves to do. And if you don't think that makes a man sexy, well then, sister. You're missing out! Too bad I didn't have the sense to wake from the spell he put me under to take a pic of him, cuz DANG! He looked good. Enough to eat. Mmmmm.
I love this leaf. It symbolizes life, growing old, and death. All wrapped up in one pretty, prickly package.
When I was taking this picture, Michael goes, "What are you doing?"I said, "Taking a picture of a red pine tree. It's so pretty!"
"That's a dead pine tree."
"Oh. Well, it rhymes with red."
I think someone should write to the maker of these camo pants, these panoply, and let them know that women need a little more fabric sewn into the rear. To allow for all the junk in the trunk.
This was an encouraging sign! The antler, in the middle of an open field. Laying right there for anyone to snatch up and carry home as a souvenier. This meant that no one had been in there for quite some time. How, you ask, do I know someone didn't just leave it for nature, not wanting to ruin the environment by picking it up? Well, because deer hunters in general love to destroy the environment and pick up antlers and take them home and create dangerous "I'll impale you if you fall on me" piles in their living rooms. No deer hunter in his right mind would pass this baby up!
We were in our right minds.
And lastly, here is our little buddy. He kept dropping nuts on our heads and chirping at us and giving away our location. (Just kidding. We saw him like this on our way out. But the other story sounded better, right?)
P.S. We really did have an air compressor in the truck which we used 4 times to put air back into our deflated tire which allowed us to arrive safely at our destination.
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