What do YOU do?
In the Hunter/Gatherer equation that is our marriage, Michael is the Hunter and I am the Gatherer. Allow me to illustrate.
Michael: What's your plan for the day?
Me: I thought I'd go gathering.
Michael: Uh-Oh. (Instinctively reaches for his wallet to unconsciously say good-bye to the funds stored in the 3 1/2" x 2 1/2" piece of plastic.)
Me: I love you.
Michael: Mmmmm hmmmm.
You've all heard of the "Hunter/Gatherer", right? Well, what follows is a unique version of that personality type, brought to my attention by my Father-in-law.
All men hunt. All women gather. And together, we make the Hunter/Gatherer. Feel free to disagree, but we all know it's true, and that I'm always right. So basically, your argument would be like a bug splattered on the windshield of my stubborn Schippers gene.
Men hunt. For all kinds of things.
Shoes: The perfect hiking/wading/after midnight boots, etc.
Clothes: Camo. Gotta try to be as invisible as you can out there.
They hunt on Google: Have you tried this thing?!?
The best deals: "But Em, these 15 power Swarovski binoculars were only $1500 at Sportsman's Warehouse instead of $1999.99 at Cabela's! I'm actually saving us money!"
Food: The biggest, baddest, widest, tallest, most symmetrical - whatever.
And Information: Michael reads and memorizes maps, and I heard direct from the source that someone related to my husband once memorized the dictionary.
Women gather:
Shoes: the perfect picnic, church, graduation, driving, even hiking and wading boots.
Clothes: Not camo. We like to be visible for all the other females out there.
On Google for...
The best deals: "Yes, Michael. This dresser was $300 at IKEA, and $1000 at Ethan Allen. But when you add in the gas prices to actually drive all the way up to IKEA, it was actually cheaper at Ethan Allen!"
Food: We also have been known to search for the biggest, baddest, widest, tallest, most symmetrical - whatever. Plus, how many men do you know that do the full on grocery shopping?
And information: Did Angelina Jolie decide where to have her babies, yet?
All this is true. And not just because I said so, but that would be enough wouldn't it? You have no way to prove me wrong or right. I could say something like: "Crunchy peanut butter is actually made up of ground rat bones. I read it in a magazine." And you could try to Google it, but you wouldn't because I already told you that I read about it somewhere. And statistics show that 99.3% of what I say is 100.7% accurate.
Someone asked me the other day, "So do you work, or stay home with your kids?" (As if that in and of itself wasn't an oxymoron. But that would be for another post...)
I replied, "Actually, I'm a Gatherer."
"A wha..."
"A Gatherer. I gather."
"What?"
"Stuff."
"Like what, woman?!"
"Shoes, food, information. You know. Stuff."
"You're a very unique person."
"Thank you."
Michael: What's your plan for the day?
Me: I thought I'd go gathering.
Michael: Uh-Oh. (Instinctively reaches for his wallet to unconsciously say good-bye to the funds stored in the 3 1/2" x 2 1/2" piece of plastic.)
Me: I love you.
Michael: Mmmmm hmmmm.
You've all heard of the "Hunter/Gatherer", right? Well, what follows is a unique version of that personality type, brought to my attention by my Father-in-law.
All men hunt. All women gather. And together, we make the Hunter/Gatherer. Feel free to disagree, but we all know it's true, and that I'm always right. So basically, your argument would be like a bug splattered on the windshield of my stubborn Schippers gene.
Men hunt. For all kinds of things.
Shoes: The perfect hiking/wading/after midnight boots, etc.
Clothes: Camo. Gotta try to be as invisible as you can out there.
They hunt on Google: Have you tried this thing?!?
The best deals: "But Em, these 15 power Swarovski binoculars were only $1500 at Sportsman's Warehouse instead of $1999.99 at Cabela's! I'm actually saving us money!"
Food: The biggest, baddest, widest, tallest, most symmetrical - whatever.
And Information: Michael reads and memorizes maps, and I heard direct from the source that someone related to my husband once memorized the dictionary.
Women gather:
Shoes: the perfect picnic, church, graduation, driving, even hiking and wading boots.
Clothes: Not camo. We like to be visible for all the other females out there.
On Google for...
The best deals: "Yes, Michael. This dresser was $300 at IKEA, and $1000 at Ethan Allen. But when you add in the gas prices to actually drive all the way up to IKEA, it was actually cheaper at Ethan Allen!"
Food: We also have been known to search for the biggest, baddest, widest, tallest, most symmetrical - whatever. Plus, how many men do you know that do the full on grocery shopping?
And information: Did Angelina Jolie decide where to have her babies, yet?
All this is true. And not just because I said so, but that would be enough wouldn't it? You have no way to prove me wrong or right. I could say something like: "Crunchy peanut butter is actually made up of ground rat bones. I read it in a magazine." And you could try to Google it, but you wouldn't because I already told you that I read about it somewhere. And statistics show that 99.3% of what I say is 100.7% accurate.
Someone asked me the other day, "So do you work, or stay home with your kids?" (As if that in and of itself wasn't an oxymoron. But that would be for another post...)
I replied, "Actually, I'm a Gatherer."
"A wha..."
"A Gatherer. I gather."
"What?"
"Stuff."
"Like what, woman?!"
"Shoes, food, information. You know. Stuff."
"You're a very unique person."
"Thank you."
Comments
lots of love to the fam!