Wednesday's Word
For anyone who doesn't already know this about us, our lives revolve around wildlife. Whether it be hunting it, photographing it, studying it, or more accurately, becoming it. If you were to talk to My Man for even a few seconds you would see how true this is. I love this about him. It makes me so much more...more...well-informed.
In speaking with him one day, on a drive out searching for (what else?) wildlife, we came across what I thought, a fascinating subject. Makeup. The following is a reenactment of our conversation.
I was applying makeup. In the car. While it was moving. Michael smiled at me and said something Michael-ish. He said, "Dressin' up for the females, eh?" I'm like, "What are you talking about? I'm putting this on because it makes me feel pretty. That, plus I want to look good for you, Babe! *smile*" He looked at me kinda funny and said, "But I always say that you look better without the warpaint. Why would you think you need it to impress me? Duh. We're already married." Feeling a bit sheepish and wanting to somehow justify the camouflage I was applying, I said, "But I like the way it makes me look. My eyes totally POP and the concealer does well at concealing and I totally love the way my lips look pouty when I do this." (And I tried to pull a Liv Tyler. Unsuccessfully.)
He then started to educate me on the mating rituals of birds. And animals in general. Don't look so surprised. I may have been ovulating at the time, so this was completely relevant.
Have you ever noticed that the male species is typically more attractive or eye-catching than that of it's female counterpart? It's true. Take the male deer, elk and any other male of relative species. They have these big, beautiful antlers/horns/bones atop their heads. Birds have stunning feathers. All these are used to attract members of the opposite sex: Females.
During the rut, male elk, deer, mountain goats, big horned sheep, antelope, and possibly even Bigfoot, (I don't know for sure, it's never been documented) do their best to impress the females. They first make sure a female is within hearing/smelling distance and then they get their groove on. They spar with rivaling males, they bugle, (only elk, and again, maybe Bigfoot) they strut, and they put on their best cologne. Mud, urine, you get the picture. (Michael has, on occasion, been known to wear such cologne. Not his own urine, though. An elk's. Don't want you to get the wrong idea. Please note that it does not have the same effect on me as it does on the four-legged females, but still, it has it's appeal.)
Birds have a similar approach. Male birds have the most eye-catching feathers. It is this gender that is always the most alluring. Turkeys, in particular, have the most spectacular display of manhood. They splay their tail feathers out and their necks turn bright red and their beards hang down low. They strut their stuff. They do it in full view of the females and rotate their bodies so that their front side is always facing the desired female. All in hopes of leading her away to their den, or lek, or whatever it is that turkeys call home. And they gobble. We own our own turkey call and Michael and Hunter are currently taking requests, so let me know and I'll put you in touch with their manager. They are more than happy to perform their rendition of "Old MacDonald...and on that farm he had a turkey..."
Off topic. Sorry.
Basically what it comes down to, is that females are attracted to pretties. Sparkelies. Ooh, that's breathtaking! I must own it, wear it, and strut it! But for whom? Other men? (Not unless he's Antonio Banderas. I like 'em Latin, OK?) Michael? (He's a little bit Latin, too. Ooh la la.) Or more accurately, other females?
Michael has already said that he prefers me sans makeup. And I'm not really interested in attracting more males, so it must be the women. I am going to make a huge assumption and say that we women, dress up for and apply makeup for, and prance around for (that's right) OTHER WOMEN! We're the only ones who care!
Confession time: *big breath* Hi-My-Name-is-Emily-and-I-like-to-look-at-sparklies-and-
pretty-things-because-they-make-me-happy.
*exhale*
So to finally get to the point of this post, the word for today is...
*Below are some photos of turkeys performing their best mating rituals. I have taken the liberty of giving them voices, so they may be heard throughout the blogging world.
"No way. She's mine. I saw her first."
"Peck me."
"Bring it on."
"Hey ladies. What do you think of these?"
"Hey baby. You, me, a can of seed?"
"Dude. Seriously. I'm gonna open up a can 'o whoop-tail if you don't step down."
"Did you see that guy? His tail was soooo broad. I can't even stand it!"
"Hey Tom! Henrietta thinks you're hot!"
"Shut up Hilda!"
"Did you hear that? Henrietta says you're hot. Dude, you're so lucky!"
"I swear, man. If you weren't on the other side of this fence.... ooohhhhhh."
(A bit about this last picture. We were on our way to Corrine's soccer game last fall and we saw these two toms defending their turf. We thought this was cool, so we took a picture. An hour and a half later, we drove past them again. Still standing there, in the exact same spot. We went home and ate lunch and rested a bit. Then I drove out to go meet some friends more than 3 hours later and they were still there! Talk about dedication!)
In speaking with him one day, on a drive out searching for (what else?) wildlife, we came across what I thought, a fascinating subject. Makeup. The following is a reenactment of our conversation.
I was applying makeup. In the car. While it was moving. Michael smiled at me and said something Michael-ish. He said, "Dressin' up for the females, eh?" I'm like, "What are you talking about? I'm putting this on because it makes me feel pretty. That, plus I want to look good for you, Babe! *smile*" He looked at me kinda funny and said, "But I always say that you look better without the warpaint. Why would you think you need it to impress me? Duh. We're already married." Feeling a bit sheepish and wanting to somehow justify the camouflage I was applying, I said, "But I like the way it makes me look. My eyes totally POP and the concealer does well at concealing and I totally love the way my lips look pouty when I do this." (And I tried to pull a Liv Tyler. Unsuccessfully.)
He then started to educate me on the mating rituals of birds. And animals in general. Don't look so surprised. I may have been ovulating at the time, so this was completely relevant.
Have you ever noticed that the male species is typically more attractive or eye-catching than that of it's female counterpart? It's true. Take the male deer, elk and any other male of relative species. They have these big, beautiful antlers/horns/bones atop their heads. Birds have stunning feathers. All these are used to attract members of the opposite sex: Females.
During the rut, male elk, deer, mountain goats, big horned sheep, antelope, and possibly even Bigfoot, (I don't know for sure, it's never been documented) do their best to impress the females. They first make sure a female is within hearing/smelling distance and then they get their groove on. They spar with rivaling males, they bugle, (only elk, and again, maybe Bigfoot) they strut, and they put on their best cologne. Mud, urine, you get the picture. (Michael has, on occasion, been known to wear such cologne. Not his own urine, though. An elk's. Don't want you to get the wrong idea. Please note that it does not have the same effect on me as it does on the four-legged females, but still, it has it's appeal.)
Birds have a similar approach. Male birds have the most eye-catching feathers. It is this gender that is always the most alluring. Turkeys, in particular, have the most spectacular display of manhood. They splay their tail feathers out and their necks turn bright red and their beards hang down low. They strut their stuff. They do it in full view of the females and rotate their bodies so that their front side is always facing the desired female. All in hopes of leading her away to their den, or lek, or whatever it is that turkeys call home. And they gobble. We own our own turkey call and Michael and Hunter are currently taking requests, so let me know and I'll put you in touch with their manager. They are more than happy to perform their rendition of "Old MacDonald...and on that farm he had a turkey..."
Off topic. Sorry.
Basically what it comes down to, is that females are attracted to pretties. Sparkelies. Ooh, that's breathtaking! I must own it, wear it, and strut it! But for whom? Other men? (Not unless he's Antonio Banderas. I like 'em Latin, OK?) Michael? (He's a little bit Latin, too. Ooh la la.) Or more accurately, other females?
Michael has already said that he prefers me sans makeup. And I'm not really interested in attracting more males, so it must be the women. I am going to make a huge assumption and say that we women, dress up for and apply makeup for, and prance around for (that's right) OTHER WOMEN! We're the only ones who care!
Confession time: *big breath* Hi-My-Name-is-Emily-and-I-like-to-look-at-sparklies-and-
pretty-things-because-they-make-me-happy.
*exhale*
So to finally get to the point of this post, the word for today is...
Ostentatious: n. showy display; pretentiousness.
There you have it. I love to have my hair done. I love pedicures. I love to put on my makeup. I love to dress up. I love jewelry. AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!*Below are some photos of turkeys performing their best mating rituals. I have taken the liberty of giving them voices, so they may be heard throughout the blogging world.
"No way. She's mine. I saw her first.""Peck me."
"Bring it on."
"Hey ladies. What do you think of these?"
"Hey baby. You, me, a can of seed?"
"Dude. Seriously. I'm gonna open up a can 'o whoop-tail if you don't step down."
"Did you see that guy? His tail was soooo broad. I can't even stand it!""Hey Tom! Henrietta thinks you're hot!"
"Shut up Hilda!"
"Did you hear that? Henrietta says you're hot. Dude, you're so lucky!"
"I swear, man. If you weren't on the other side of this fence.... ooohhhhhh."(A bit about this last picture. We were on our way to Corrine's soccer game last fall and we saw these two toms defending their turf. We thought this was cool, so we took a picture. An hour and a half later, we drove past them again. Still standing there, in the exact same spot. We went home and ate lunch and rested a bit. Then I drove out to go meet some friends more than 3 hours later and they were still there! Talk about dedication!)
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