Un-single Male Caucasian Student Not Really Looking For Anything

Editor's note:
As author of this blog, I reserve the right to edit, add, and pretty much change the whole dynamic of the articles written and submitted for publication.
Here is one that was recently submitted by a nice young man who may or may not be related to me and may or may not appreciate that I have exposed his vulnerable side.
Let me introduce you to myself. My name is Kevin. I am 22 years old, and live in St. George where I currently enjoy the weather. (Yes, he really can play the piano, it's not just a prop.)

I have brown hair and brow...gree...hang on (checks mirror) HAZEL eyes.
I enjoy entertaining small crowds. (Get it? She's small...)
I adore children.
And children adore me.
I enjoy snowboarding and pretty much anything that has to do with a board. Guitars and pianos are made from boards, right?

I have often been told I am retarded...ahem, handicapped (for the politically correct)...
And a bit schizophrenic due to the different accents coming from my mouth every time I speak. (I think he just has issues, but that's me. Oh wait, it is me...weird.)
I love my sister Emily (Emily wipes a tear) and doesn't know where I would be without her and her amazing-ness. Some might even say I worship her, but that would be worshipping a false idol, which I don't think is as widely accepted as some might think, so you can say she's my twin separated at birth and by about 8 years.
I am going to Hawaii in March to visit a special someone...sorry ladies, I'm not single.
And a bit of a recovering Mama's boy.

(All inquiries and comments are welcomed, but may be used in a court of law if deemed necessary to prove that this was not, in fact, what drove him to do what he did that one night, that one time, with that one person.)

Love you Kev!